Thursday, December 16, 2010

It's not because he's Black, it's because he's a criminal!

A few Black (or African American if that makes you feel more comfortable) people honestly believe and are saying that the only politician getting in trouble for being corrupt is the former Mayor of Detroit, Kwame Kilpatrick.  I have heard comments such as "I don't see them going after anyone else as hard as Kwame Kilpatrick." *BLANK STARE* Are yall effing serious?  I am Black (or whatever) and lived in Detroit when Kwame was the mayor and what he did to the city and the people that live and do business in it is a sin and a shame.  He literally ran the city like he was a mob boss.  He is well known to have committed every crime from jay walking to extortion and maybe even murder (*cough* Tamara Green *cough*).  He didn't just make a mistake, from the day he took office he was like a pimp turning a hoe out.  And while people like me did not want to be forced into prostitution, the other citizens of Detroit felt like he was young and "anybody can make a mistake, we should give him a chance another chance." He had the greatest opportunity to help the people here, many of whom were (and still are) facing dire circumstances but instead he stole from us.  In fact he took money that was actually given to him for community building projects and spent it on those suits and diamond earrings that inspired me to embarrassment every time he appeared on TV. 

I don't care who else is corrupt because number one, rarely has anyone seen the likes of Kwame and his gang and number two, he did exactly what the feds say he did!  Perhaps the Feds are going after Kwame because they are racist.  However, there have been well documented racial inequities in the application of the criminal code since there was a criminal code.  When I was little and decided to misbehave with other children my mother would tell me 'those other kids will go home and they wont get in trouble, you will."  Same thing with Black people and crime, you ought to know that no matter who gets away with what, you probably wont so don't even try it.  And if you decide to engage in open corruption for 5 years don't embarrass the rest of us by crying race foul when you get caught (officially) and punished for the stuff you ACTUALLY did.  And Black people, please please please stop saying they are being hard on Kwame because he is Black.  I AM being hard on him because he is Black and because his actions had the most harmful impact on other Black people living in Detroit.  "They" are being hard on Kwame because he is a criminal. I'm disgusted, can you tell?

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

One Reason You May Have A Dirty Kid

Yesterday I was in the bathroom at a restaurant changing my daughter's diaper. While I was on diaper duty a woman came in with her son (or random kid she was responsible for, I didn't ask) and started the following interview with him:

Random lady: Do you know where we are

Random kid with lady: Yes

Random lady: Where are we?

Random kid with lady: A restaurant

Random lady: And do we crawl around on the floor in restaurant?

Random kid with lady: No

Random lady: So when we leave this bathroom are you going to be a big boy and sit at the table and stop crawling around on the floor?


Random kid with lady: No

Random lady: Then we are not leaving this bathroom

I don't have all that much experience with children but here is what I know. Their options must be limited at all times. If left to their own devices with too many choices they will do things like crawl around the dirty floor of a restaurant while you are trying to eat. For this reason, it is ill advised to ask them a question like "are you going to keep crawling around on the floor?" You may as well ask them if they want to keep playing with an electric socket or running out in traffic because all of these things are unacceptable. When behavior is unacceptable, the appropriate parental response is to remove it from the child's available options. So parents who don't want dirty, electrocuted injured children don't ask them what they are going to do, we tell them what they are going to do (and not going to do). For example, random lady should have said 'you are too old to be crawling around the floor in a public place so when we leave this bathroom you will place your backside on the bench and it will not move until I tell you it is time to leave.' See how easy that was. Parents should take a lesson from trial attorneys, don't ask a question youdon't already know the answer to.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

You need to whip your tail to school...

So Willow Iwhipmyhairbackandforth Smith was recently interviewed about how her newfound fame has affected her school work.  Willow admitted that she was no longer able to attend school because of her tour dates and that although she has private tutors she is still behind in her school work because she can’t find the “time” to do the lessons.  *Blank Stare* Will and Jada are yall paying any attention whatsoever to the interviews your daughter is giving?  Further, I don’t agree with, but I do at least understand parents who fame pimp their kids when they are financially strapped.  I do not, however, understand the urgency to rocket Willow Smith to fame at the tender age of 10 years old.  She’s already richer and more famous than 99.2% of the worlds population will ever be due to the circumstances of her birth.  I would be totally ok with her like finishing middle school (if high school is just too much of a stretch) before she comes out with anymore hair whipping hits (which by the way can cause neck strain, dizziness and severe headaches).  Lastly, aren’t there some laws about who has to attend school and until what age? I’m pretty sure there are laws. And finally (seriously this time), now that I have a child I understand that the urge to turn them into a little version of you can be overwhelming.  However, good parents remember that you got to go through all the experiences of being a child which made you into the adult that you are.  Good parents do not take that opportunity at childhood away from their children.  They can walk in your shoes soon enough, just give them time to grow into them (I’m talking to you Will and Jada).
This is not your average 10 year old...or even 21 year old.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Looooong Blank Stare

As you may know (especially if you are Black and at all interested in church), Bishop Eddie Long of the New Birth Baptist Church in Atlanta Georgia has been accused of using his young men's youth academy to groom young men for sexual relationships with him.  It is NOT alleged that he took advantage of the young men before they reached the age of consent in the state of Georgia. However, since Bishop Long is a man and a Bishop and married (and frankly African American but we wont even get into that in this post), that sort of behavior is frowned upon.  I know some of you are already wondering how this can constitute a blank stare moment because if Bishop Long did take advantage of his position in the lives of these young men, that is reprehensible.  However, you may be surprised to know, the Bishop will not be the recipient of a blank stare in this post (because this is not about how he preaches wearing those smedium muscle shirts...).

Instead, I would like to focus on how this story came to our national attention- a lawsuit of course.  The suit has been filed by two young men between 19 and 22 years old who claim they were coerced into a sexual relationship with the being lavished with expensive presents and luxurious trips all over the world...and in return for being lavished, pampered and flown all over they want...(can someone give me a friggin drum roll please) money... *BLANK STARE*  Now I happen to be a lawyer.  I went to a very good law school, graduated, passed the bar exam (the first time) and have been practicing for some years now but I can't say that I understand the cause of action in this case.  I honestly did not know you could sue someone for treating you so well, it made you want to do grown up things with them...while you were a legal grown up.  AGAIN, if Bishop Long did it, and especially if he used the churches financial resources, which is also being alleged, that is a ugly mess of epic proportions, we are clear on that point.  However, why is this the basis for a lawsuit requesting money ???

The last time I checked (today), it is legal for 2 men at or beyond the age of consent to engage in a sexual relationship in the state of Georgia.  You may not like it and I'm sure First Lady Long would agree with you in this instance but it's still legal.  To maintain a lawsuit there has to be some violation of...THE LAW so where are we going with this?  If the members of New Birth want to sue the Bishop for misappropriating their tithes and offering, that might make sense but what is happening now I just can't understand.  Remember, this is not a criminal matter, which also might make more sense, this is a lawsuit asking for money....Or should I say MORE money considering the Plaintiffs claim they already got quite a bit of it...Maybe you can explain it to me because I just can't understand it.

Sidenote: As the daughter of a Pastor who is a good, decent upstanding man this whole debacle, whether true or false, makes me cringe and shudder.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

True Story- "Just squeeze em yourself"

I just got off the phone with my Aunt who was reviewing my baby registry list.  My Aunt named several items and gave her opinion of why they were unnecessary as follows:

The mobile that goes on the crib- That will terrify the baby.  Haven't you seen the commercial where the baby is looking up at the mobile and goes crazy?

The swing- Looks like it’s only fit for a preemie plus it may terrify the baby.

The diaper genie- Just wipe em off and throw em in the trash.

Baby Einstein Entertainer- The baby will be dumb no matter what you buy unless you read to her so you may as well save your money and just read to her.

Breast pump- Just squeeze em yourself.

Breast milk storage bags- Use ziplock bags.

The baby potty- She wont need this until she is like 3 (WHAT?!?!?!?!)

Bottle brushes (to clean out the baby's bottles)- Use a wet rag and a butter knife, it will work just fine.

Bibs- You know if you put these on here people will just buy them from the dollar store.

BLANK STARE to all of these comments.

Monday, July 12, 2010


Ok, so I have to get deep just for one second.  Our country (the U.S.) has a serious problem with race and race relations.  We have a long history of mismanagement of this issue on the one hand and trying to ignore it completley on the other. I am not going to go into details because that is not what this post is about but we all know some very bad crap happened a long time ago and some seriously messed up things are still happening today (although, people tend to struggle with this latter concept).  I only say all of this to let you know that I am not one of those people who is under the misconception that the Civil War or the Emancipation Proclamation or the Civil Rights Act or Brown v. Board of Education or whatever the hell else has been done in the name of equality has actually repaired all of the damage we have done.

HOWEVER, I find comments such as the following highly annoying.  Jesse Jackson has taken a moment out of his busy schedule (what does JJ actually do???) to bless us with this gem of knowledge concerning Dan Gilbert's comments (See my previous post) about Lebron James decision to leave the Cavs. JJ said Dan Gilbert's “feelings of betrayal personify a slave master mentality” and constitute an “attack on all NBA players.” *BLANK STARE*  I know I am running the risk of oversimplifying some really deep reference to race relations JJ is making but when did a slave master ever beg a slave to stay on the plantation by offering him 30 million dollars?  And didn't slave owners like kill runaway slaves instead of writing open letters about them and posting them in public? 

There are legitimate issues affecting Black people in the U.S. as a result of slavery and comments like this make people intolerant of hearing about or understanding those issues.  It's like you have a really appetizing dish you want to serve that will engage everyone's taste buds but someone keeps crapping in it.  How long until no one wants anything to do with that dish?  People on all sides of the race issue in this country need to be much more realistic in their approach.  We neither live in a country where race is of no relevance or in a country where it is the cause of every problem (though it may be lurking underneath a great number of them).  I don't think Dan Gilbert displayed a slave master's mentality in dealing with James' decision, I think he acted half like a business man who just lost A LOT of money and half like a jilted lover who just lost his bed buddy.  Let's put away the "race card" and save it for a time when it is actually relevant (because the time will come).

Friday, July 9, 2010

Stolen Wing Dings and Dan Gilbert

So everyone is aware that the Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert took a sharp left on the (Ohio proclaimed) dethroned Lebron James. What you may not know is that he explained his scathing statements referring to James as a traitor, a poor example for children and a quitter (among other things) by saying that he believed James quit on the Cavs in the playoff series in 2009 against Orlando and the series this year against the Celtics. *BLANK STARE* Never mind that he may have a point (at least about this year). He is getting a blank stare because he is the one who offered the two time "quitter" 30 million dollars if he would only come back and agree to "quit" for 6 more years.

Once upon a time I was sick of my job at Ponderosa and I gave up on them. I can admit it. I hid when new tables would get seated, stole chicken wing dings from the buffet and ate them from my apron in the bussing station and occasionally hung out in the cooler where I could enjoy sliced peaches from the can. Let me tell you, not only was I not offered a 6 year contract or 30 mill, I didn't even get a going away party or like minimum wage. I say this to say that most employers are not in the habit of rewarding chronic quitters (or wing ding thieves). So if James quit two years in a row during critical moments and Gilbert still offered him 30 million dollars who should Cleveland fans really be mad at?

While I am on the subject of those Cleveland fans, *BLANK STARE* to them and all professional sports fans all over the country like them (now I'm talking about you Lakers fans too). Unless all of these people are atheist and do not believe there is a God (which I doubt), we have a serious mix up in our priorities. Burning jerseys, crying and sinking into a state of depression are all pathologically scary reactions to the decision of one human being. I don't care what anybody says, as long as there is still no cure for cancer, the economy sucks and there are people in third world countries or right in the U.S. in places that resemble third world countries who don't have enough to eat or clean water, all of this uproar over Lebron James is ri-damn-diculous. Check your bank accounts sports fans, did you get any money off of James decision? Did you lose any? Look in the mirror do you still look the same, you live in the same house, got the same problems? Ok, so your life has not changed one bit. Move on to something that matters. Please.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

This is the kind of stuff that makes people dislike Republicans!

I try my best to avoid over-identifying with either the Republicans or the Democrats. There are equally good reasons to dislike both parties and their political philosophies and neither party seems to have good affordable solutions to fixing some of the most serious problems our country is facing. In my opinion both parties bicker with each other and the White House way too much and neither gives the other party credit when they make a valid point which diminishes their credibility in my eyes. I say all of this as a disclaimer because even though this post is about the Republicans, please do not make the mistake of pounding your chest with democratic pride as both parties are well deserving of multiple blank stares and evil squints.

TO THE POINT: Rep. Joe Barton (R) is the top Republican on the Energy and Commerce Committee. This morning he apologized to the CEO of BP (you know, the company that has "accidentally" altered our entire ecosystem and is wholly unable to fix the problem), Tony Hayward for the behavior of the White House towards him on yesterday. Rep. Barton said the following "I am ashamed by what happened at the White House yesterday...It's a tragedy that a private corporation can be subjected to a shakedown." *BLANK STARE* In case you don't know Rep. Barton is referring to the fact that the White House was able to obtain assurances from BP that it will set up a $20 Billion Dollar fund to pay the claims of people whose lives and livelihoods have been devastated by this massive oil spill (that just wont stop).

Here is the really confusing part, Rep. Barton said:
“I'm only speaking for myself, I'm not speaking for anybody else, but I apologize I do not want to live in a country where any time a citizen or a corporation does something that is legitimately wrong it is subject to some sort of political pressure that is again in my words amounts to a ‘shakedown’ so I apologize,” *BLANK STARE*

Please note, Mr. Barton seems aware that BP has actually done something wrong. But apparently, he does not believe that doing something wrong warrants a corporation being forced to actually pay for the mistake they made. What kind of country would you like to live in Mr. Barton? You want to live in a place where you wake up one day and one of the richest corporations in the country has recklessly destroyed your life and all of the wildlife in your area because it was economically feasible for them to do so? Oh wait, we already live there. How about a country where this happens and then the same corporation that was too cheap to take the proper safety precautions in the first place is trusted to just altruistically compensate you for the havoc it has reeked in your life? If the answer is yes Mr. Barton, I recommend you hop on the next thing smoking and go find that country and STAY there.

You want to hear about a shakedown Mr. Barton? Let me tell you the story of millions of hard working Americans who arrive at the gas pumps (so we can get to our jobs) and find that gas prices have quadrupled in the course of 7-10 days (during which time minimum wage has not budged). The prices have gone up not because there is less oil or because the oil at the higher price is better quality but solely based on random speculation as to the future availability of the product. What do the hardworking Americans do? We keep pumping because we have no choice. Now THAT is a shakedown Mr. Barton!

I'm dropping the microphone and walking away from this, because it is making me nauseated.

P.S. Rep. Barton has a record of accepting big contributions from the oil industry, having raked in $1.4 million from the industry since 1989 and is one of the top ten all-time biggest recipients of BP money in the House of Representatives, according to the Center for Responsive Politics. DONE and DONE!

Update: Several (though not all) top republicans are now disavowing this apology given by Rep. Barton and getting as far away from it as possible.  Among those who disagree with Barton is Rep. Boehner the House Minority Leader.

There are worse things than being fat

Alli is a popular weight loss drug that has recently come under scrutiny for the risk that it causes liver disease.  In an "informative" commercial sponsored by the makers of Alli, they advise users to consult a physician if experiencing a number of symptoms.  Among these symptoms is weight loss... *BLANK STARE* So basically if this drug actually works for you, it may also be killing you...Is there an upside? Suuuure, if you are concerned about leaving behind a thin corpse....

Friday, May 14, 2010

I'm going to need some assistance with this one....

I'm posting a link to a youtube video that has been all over the news and frankly I don't know who to give a blank stare to or if a blank stare is even appropriate here.  Watch the video now and then read on.

I think maybe the parents need to be slapped, the competition sponsors need to be stopped, the audience needs to be checked for pedophiles and all of America needs to be dipped in holy water for this ish.  OR, the kids are super-talented and the performance is just somewhat misguided....  Everyone is always telling me what I should make into blank stare moments so here is your chance.  You tell me, blank stare or not and if so, who is getting it?

UPDATE:  The link below is a video of the parents "response" to the wide spread criticsim of their daughters performance.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have found our blank stare recipients.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

This is why people have day jobs...

I don't know or care why Kobe Bryant elected to take part in this "fashion forward" photo shoot. All I do know is that being an entertainer does not make you a model and being a model ought not make you an idiot in white. What's that you say? Am I biased? Yes, because I don't like the Lakers and I can't stand Kobe Ilovemyselfenoughforbothofus Bryant. Further, as there are so many people out there like me, producing a photo such as the one depicted herein is ill advised and provides us with unnecessary ammo. So pow pow Kobe please spare us any further suspect photo shoots.

*Blank Stare*

Thursday, April 15, 2010

So apparently bras and cell phones DO NOT mix...

I just got off the phone with someone who called me back in response to a text message I sent earlier in the day. She told me she was unable to text me back because the touch screen on her phone has malfunctioned. The malfunction was caused by apparent water damage the phone sustained as the result of being kept in her bra...*Blank Stare* I have questions but I don't want to ask them because I don't want the answers...
I don't know about the candy and credit card but you may want to re-think the phone...

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Equal Opportunity Blank Stares

To all of the following:

President Obama and whoever is helping to manage his agenda: As concerned as I am about the possibility of Detroit, Michigan turning into another Hiroshima, the likelihood of that event seems far more remote than the rather distinct possibility that my state may go bankrupt if we don't find a way to create some jobs here. That being said, can we please step away from the anti-nuclear proliferation platform and work on job creation until the unemployment rate in Michigan (the real unemployment rate, not the fake numbers the political prognosticators use) stops giving small children nightmares? Please and thank you.

All the people who are ardent supporters of the healthcare reform bill as well as those who are vehemently opposed to it: Until someone in one of these groups can explain to me personally why I have a doctoral degree from one of the best schools in the country and a relatively elite career (at a small law firm) but I still have to pay a quarter of my salary every month (yes even with the bill) to cover myself and my family, I invite all of you to drink a tall glass of shut the hell up!

Everyone who holds Glenn Beck in the same regard as, oh I don't know say someone who deserves to be taken seriously: I honestly thought the Glenn Beck show was a joke. I have seen it and I really didn't think that anyone would consider the commentator to be anything more than a couple of pennies short of a roll. Well come to find out, he has actual followers. This proves that the creators of Family Guy were correct when they hypothesized that people would join a "Church of the Fonz (yes, from Happy Days)." If you think Glenn Beck is anything more than someone with a lot of strong OPINIONS (and you know what they say about those...) or have sat at home and thought to yourself 'wow he's really on to something', your next stop may indeed be at the local Happy Days worship facility.

That's right Democrats, Republicans, the White House, everyone in between and on the fringes who fit the above descriptions you are the recipients of my famous *BLANK STARE*

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I hope this comes with a chauffeur...

I heard a radio advertisement for a local philanthropic organization, "Heritage For The Blind."  The organization is accepting donations for the visually impaired...of cars....*Blank Stare*  I am all for equal rights for the disabled but is this really a good idea???  My grandfather drove for years with cataracts on both eyes and although he could still see (a little, in very good light) it is a miracle he didn't maim anyone on the road (though curbs all over the state of Illinois were assaulted on a daily basis).  Should we really be counting on acts of God to get our fellow drivers from point A to point B?  I'm just not so sure about this one.
I'm just sayin...

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Smell of Stupidity!

First, I just want you all to know that I had to look this story up to make sure it was true. I heard on the radio this morning that City of Detroit employees would be receiving free...deodorant (of all the things they might really need???) *Blank Stare* But the good part of this story is the reason for the deodorant soup kitchen. Apparently a city employee filed a lawsuit claiming that the smell of another employee’s bath products made her so sick that it was impossible for her to do her job. * Second Blank Stare* The lawsuit, which was filed in federal court, actually settled for $100,000.00. *Third Blank Stare* As a result, city employees have been warned to refrain from using scented bath products including, lotions, perfumes and you guessed it- deodorant. However, the city rightfully feared that a pervasive stench created by unmitigated "funk" might be equally offensive. Therefore, today and tomorrow city employees can receive free packets of unscented deodorant. * Final Blank Stare*

My personal rant: If you have been in Detroit lately, read a Time magazine in the past year, saw the Oprah special on poverty or heard the now famous song by country singer John Rich ("Shutting Detroit Down"), you would know we are facing some serious problems in the city of Detroit. I can't help but to wonder what $100,000.00 may have done to aid in one of the many economic crises facing the city. But as usual, instead of using money constructively, we open the window which separates us from the unintelligent laziness of people like the employee and throw the money out.

Let me tell you all of the dumb stuff that offends me about my job: the hours (I would rather a much shorter work day), the stacks of paper (I mean I just get tired of reading), the guy in the next office who has a voice like the jolly green giant and takes EVERY call on speakerphone, the coffee, the bathroom soap (dries my hands out), the receptionist who always mixes my father up with my sister on the phone (*Blank Stare*) etc. etc. etc. It never crossed my mind to sue anyone for these discomforts because I just assumed them to be occupational hazards. Since I need to stay occupied (aka, employed), I suck it up and keep it moving. Has the whole world gone crazy????

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Tickle Me Massa

In case you do not keep up with political news let me just give you some background information: Eric Massa was one of the Democratic Representatives from New York.  He recently resigned from the House citing "health reasons."  He later recanted his initial resignation explanation stating that he was actually forced out of the House by other democratic House members who knew he would not vote for the new health care reform bill.  House members and White House staffers fired back that in actuality Massa should be banished to the short bus forever because he has some serious mental deficiencies.  Well, perhaps I am exaggerating somewhat for entertainment purposes but Democrats actually did say that Massa has a problem keeping his hands to himself.  Apparently, Massa was involved in several "inappropriate" incidents with his own staffers involving his wondering hands. 

NOW FOR THE GOOD PART: Massa admits that he may have been involved in some incidents which could have been viewed as inappropriate when taken out of context.  However, he claims there was nothing sexual about any touching he has done.  When asked about groping a particular staffer last night on the Glenn Beck (don't even get me started on him) Show he stated “Yeah, I did... Not only did I grope him, I tickled him until he couldn’t breathe. And they all jumped on top of me. You can take anything out of context.”  *Blank Stare*

(Would you expect this person to run up on you and start tickling you?)

I just have a few questions for Mr. Massa: What exactly is being taken out of context? Why in the name of all that is reasonable and sane are you groping and tickling staffers during public events? Are you taking your meds? Seriously, be honest... Is this what's going on in our federal government?  Is this why they can't get any work done? They are too busy tickling one another...

Friday, January 22, 2010

Babies Courtesy of China

So I heard on the radio this morning that millions of condoms made in China have been found to be counterfeit (made with a cheaper material that will not hold...what it is supposed to hold).  *Blank Stare* Most of these counterfeit condoms have been imported to the United States so I recommend that people relying on this form of prophylactic take a long hard look at the package and see where it came from.  Also, doesn't China already have a huge population problem?  I would think they would specialize in condom technology....*Blank Stare*  (oooooh, maybe this is why they have a population problem????)

If you are using a condom made in China, you may be looking at one of the below images soon...

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Where exactly do you think we are?

I live in the state of Michigan.  The overnight low in my city was 24 degrees.  This morning when I was on my way to work, it was a whole 29 degrees. But for some reason a man with a receding hairline, sunglasses and windbreaker drove by me with the top down on his sports car like he had not a care in the world.  *Blank Stare* (I mention the hairline because I just KNOW his head had to have been cold...).  Was the top broken because I understand that in this economy you have to do what you have to do to get work?  Is he maybe from the North Pole and to him Michigan is like Hawaii?  I just have so many questions about this.

You just oughta be slapped...

This one goes out to all of the professional athletes with multimillion dollar contracts who get into legal trouble over stupid stuff that they had no business doing.  This list includes but is not limited to all of the following people:
  • Braylon Edwards (and his disorderly conduct)
  • Gilbert Arenas (really Gil, you brought your guns with you to protect your kids, REALLY??? I need to have a long talk with your PR person)
  • Plaxico Burress (a fellow MSU alum who apparently does not actively utilize his education.  It seems shooting yourself would be punishment enough but alas you and your bad leg are going to prison.)
  • Mike Vick (I don't care about the dogs, sorry but I don't.  However, this was a totally unnecessary mess for MV to have involved himself with.  Please leave the dog fighting to the people with nothing to lose)
  • OJ Simpson (Although he has never been in LEGAL hot water over anything that could properly be classified as "stupid" - i.e. murder, kidnapping, robbery, etc.- no list like this would be complete without him.  I mean really OJ, after your legal dream team performs a miracle on par with turning water into wine you decide to rob and kidnap someone?)
(It's not that the above individuals can not or have not recovered from their mistakes.  It is the fact that they would risk so much for so little that lands them on this list.)

All of you and everyone else who has blown the opportunity of a lifetime doing stuff that just makes absolutely no sense- go long and catch this *Blank Stare* because you deserve it!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Girl please get you some flats...

I'm watching the BET celebration of gospel (which is worthy of several Blank Stares for a variety of reasons) and wondering why after all this time Fantasia has not found a pair of shoes that she can perform in. *Blank Stare* As soon as Fanny hits the stage, her feet go in one direction and her shoes in another. I mean is that even sanitary? *Blank Stare*  (The below pic is illustrative of my point although it is not from her performance is another barefoot performance...)

Friday, January 8, 2010

The Deputy and Red-Face

While I was in court today, a sound like a quiet buzzing noise arose from somewhere to the left of me. Now, I have to get up early to go to court, it’s crowded, I have to put on heals and I am not a morning person so naturally I purposely ignore everything around me and just pray that my cases are called quickly. However, I was unable to ignore the Wayne County Deputy Sherriff who leapt over my lap and bent over the attorney sitting next to me (which of course left his boxed shaped booty to close to my face for my comfort) to tell the rotund red-faced man in a T-Shirt sitting next to her who was politely leaning on his cane and taking a nap that no sleeping is permitted in the courtroom. *Blank Stare* I just wish the Deputy had taken a moment to consider which of the two scenarios would be more disruptive: allowing the man to sleep and emit the quiet buzzing or running his 6'2 self across the room and into the gallery to loudly tell the man to wake up.... *Blank Stare*

Further, as soon as the Sherriff returned to his "post" the man nodded directly back off (now I am wide awake and that was quite funny). So Deputy Nosleep is staring at the man intently with one foot out as if at any minute he is going to disrupt our row again by waking red-face up (the young female attorney sitting next to me seemed concerned by this possibility as well). Thankfully, red-face stirs from his nap on his own and THEN (wait for it wait for it)....loudly tells the Deputy "SORRY I HAVE A CONDITION" ...Which, by the way, if the Deputy had looked at the man closely, would have been apparent. The take home lesson- take a moment to consider the outcome of your actions and always avoid trying to put out a fire using gasoline.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Under The Covers

To all the men out there who are like my husband and believe that you can safely expel noxious odors under the covers without offending the person in the bed with you *Blank Stare*  The problem with this overly simplistic theory is that inevitably the covers are going to move and when they do all of the toxic gas you trapped inside of them will waft out.  At that point your partners eyes will bug out when she begins to choke as she suddenly finds that there is a limited amount of oxygen in the air.  And men, do you know what they will do?  They will give the woman a blank stare and say "it can't be that bad, it was like five minutes ago"... *EVIL NASTY SQUINT*

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Ugly is as ugly does...

Did you know that there was a dating and networking website for "beautiful people." To become a member of the website your photograph has to be voted on by other members of the site.  If you are "beautiful" enough, you may gain membership.  I was driving home from work yesterday minding my own business when I heard a news broadcast stating that 5000 members of the site were removed following the holidays because they gained weight over the holidays.  *Blank Stare*  I'm almost speechless (almost)...but alas I have thought of a few questions that I just really need answers to.  First, who is verifying the photos on the largely anonymous internet?  Does the verification person become suspicious when several people bear striking resemblances to Beyonce or Brad Pitt or (insert the name of other person who people think of as really attractive)?  How much weight did these people gain over the holidays and are they updating their pictures on a daily basis (*in a whisper* I mean why didn't they just go work out and then update their profile pic)?  Who wants to date someone who is shallow enough to become a member of such an asinine site or insecure enough to expose their physical attributes to public voting ?  Finally (this is the big one), why if you are so friggin beautiful do you need to find a date on the internet (not that people who internet date are unattractive but really this is a new level of ridiculousness)? *Blank Stare*

Monday, January 4, 2010

SAVE THE HUMANS! We can come back for your pet later....

I know this will be a delicate subject as some of you are extreme animal lovers so let me just start by saying this. I have had two pets in my lifetime and I loved each dearly. In fact, we had a cat in my house which we adopted from wondering the streets as an alley cat in spite of the fact that almost everyone in the house was allergic to cats. We sneezed, itched, coughed our way through it just to give the kitty a good home where he was spoiled rotten. So, I am not anti-animal (especially the kind that make good pets) and I hope this preamble does not come off like those people who say "I am not racist, I have two (insert race of people which you know they don't like) friends."

Moving on. I do, however, have a problem with giving money to "animal rights" organization which do not deal with animals in danger of extinction (which I believe to be a separate topic entirely). I simply cannot grasp how human beings (who are not wealthy with money to blow, a lot of it) can donate money to ensure the "rights" of common house pets when there are real life human beings experiencing all out genocide on the planet on which we live. *Blank Stare* Ever heard of Darfur? How about the Sierra Leone or Rwanda, Cambodia, Bosnia...the list goes on. And if you are geographically challenged or an extreme nativist, what about the millions of people right here in the United States who are homeless, hungry, uninsured, unemployed, undone. I just need to know how we can save the animals but we can't seem to do anything about the humans?

Perhaps you are one of those people who feel like animals are innocent and have done nothing to warrant their suffering while many humans dig their own pits and scream for a shovel. Ok, I will give you that one and raise you the millions of children that are among the human beings dying everyday. These kids have not even been on the earth long enough to dig anything. Look, the bottom line is that if you give millions of dollars to human rights causes and want to give a few bucks to the Fidos and Puss n Boots of the world, fine. But if you are the average person and you have never given a dime to ensure the continuation of the human race and now you want to "save the animals" *Blank Stare*