My Poor Classroom Attendance, Capitalism and Birth Control

My friends who are also my former classmates can tell you that although I’m intelligent and well educated, attending class has never really been my thing. I feel suffocated by structured education. In fact, I once took a personality test which indicated that I generally have a problem with structure….and rules (that I didn’t make). I say all of this to explain that in spite of my law degree from one of the best law schools in the country, I somehow missed the section in property class (a basic first year law school requirement)….well let me just be honest, I missed almost everything in property class. I just didn’t have the mental energy or will to sort it all out. I can sum up my entire recall of my property law classroom experience as ‘blah blah blah adverse possession blah blah blah tacking.’ Hand to God, that’s all I can really remember. So truthfully, if called upon to testify, I couldn’t even tell you if the subject matter of this post was covered in my property class. I have no idea.


I just know that somewhere in the foggy library of my brain I remember hearing that drugs receive limited patents that allow other companies to duplicate them in generic form after a certain period of time has elapsed. I think this has something to do with the federal government attempting to prevent drug companies from monopolizing the market or research or something, honestly, I can’t really remember.

Moving on to the subject of this post, prior to getting pregnant with my second child and subsequent to giving birth to my first, I had a prescription for Tri-Sprintec which was the generic form of Ortho Tri Cyclen- a birth control pill. Now apparently (based on my Google research) the manufacturers of Tri-Sprintec have been sued from here to Kingdom Come (dang lawyers) so they had to shut down production of the generic- which was a quarter of the cost of the name brand. Evidently (again based on my Google research) no one else is eligible to obtain a generic patent until December of 2015. BLANK STARE.

The first day I arrived at the pharmacy blissfully unaware that my $17.00 Tri-Sprintec had been unceremoniously yanked from the market, I made a decision. I decided to protest the oppression of capitalism by refusing to purchase the $50.00 Ortho Tri Cyclen….. Ok that is a complete fabrication. In reality I just thought paying $50.00 for a drug I had been getting for $17.00 was outrageous and I refused to do it. Small problem, my economic assessment did not include an analysis of the effect of failing to take birth control. What about my husband you ask--- ZERO help. My husband and I decided to take the road less traveled and although we had no plans to have another child until my daughter was at least 3, before she even reached her second birthday I was back in the hospital eating chicken broth and popsicles, holding our son and plotting how to lose 50 pounds.

The moral of this story is something like pay attention in school and don’t cut off your nose to spite your face because it turns out that $50.00 a month doesn’t even approach the cost of diapers and formula for the same period of time. Last but certainly not least, BLANK STARE to myself with honorable mention to my unhelpful husband.

THIS is what concerns you???

I was working on typing a document on my lap top, my husband walked in the room and strained his neck 90 degrees just to see what I was doing. BLANK STARE. My husband seems unmoved by the possibility (however remote) that I might one day run off with another man. In fact, his response to that hypothetical is "I would kill you." He doesn't say it in a extra hype confrontational manner, he just states it as a fact- "I would kill you." So me taking off to start my life over again with some new man does not give him cause for concern but what I'm doing on the computer has him breaking his neck???

When I pointed out to him that he seemed more than a little pressed to get in my business he said that I was acting "suspicious.".............. BLANK STARE.  No, I literally gave him a blank stare. So then he says "well fine, I'm not going to worry about anything you do." BLANK STARE. First of all, I could easily prove that statement untrue by calling a tow truck and having them remove his Mustang (his first car which he claims is a part of our family----that hasn't worked in 6 years) from my garage.  I guarantee you, he would instantly be worried about what I was doing.  Second of all...I don't have a second but I didn't want to be one of those people who said "first of all" when there was no second of all. 

I just keep looking at my husband waiting for him to magically say something that makes sense. It is not the fact that he was extra pressed to see what I was doing on the computer that is noteworthy.  Some people are just nosy like that.  It's the fact that my husband is not one of those people. So I'm sitting here wondering why the possibility of me running off with another man does nothing for him but what I'm typing on my lap top seems significant? I can only conclude that he was concerned that I was typing another blog post about him and now I am.

My Husband, Quick Feet and One Bad Idea

Men are capable of accomplishing amazing feats of intelligence and organization….just not all the time. There are some times when men are driven by inexplicably strong impulses which evade reason and logic. For my wonderful husband, today was one of those times. I’m still wondering how we got from point A to the end of this incident… At point A my husband explained that he wanted to go to the Apple store at the mall to “see if they have those printers that will connect to my I-Phone or I-Pod.” That seems rational enough right? I was all, sure, go check it out, get the prices, MAYBE we should get a new printer. So we are at the mall with our two kids, one stroller , diaper bag and a few shopping bags.

My husband takes the 2 year old (who is determined to become the source of a Lifetime movie as she is always “escaping”) and goes to the Apple store while I feed our baby. Approximately 8 minutes later my husband and little miss quick feet return. Quick feet is running free screaming something at the top of her lungs- par for the course behavior for her. My husband, however, is carrying a box that appears to contain a printer. I can only assume the box is empty because I would never think that my husband would go and buy a brand new printer while we were shopping for kids clothes. I also assume the box is empty because if it were a real printer how would we carry it? It’s not in a cart of any sort and somebody has to push the stroller and somebody has to grab up quick feet so if that box contained a printer how would it survive our shopping trip?

I knew my “empty box” assumption was wrong when my husband was 5 feet away from me. Are you married? Do you have a close relationship with a man? If so, you will understand what I am about to tell you. My husband had that look on his face. It is a slightly goofy look with a hint of aggression. The look says ‘yeah I maybe did something a little crazy and no we didn’t talk about it but I’m grown and I work too so don’t try me.” You KNOW the look. So I give him back my ‘yeah that was crazy, no we didn’t discuss that purchase, yeah you are going to have to figure out how to carry a printer through the mall and if quick feet escapes and makes it into Lifetime fame because of this madness, I’m leaving you” look.

I’m not that wise. I don’t know what comes over good men. They can make 100 reasoned decisions but one day they will lose it and do something expensive and kinda crazy. BLANK STARE. When they dare you to say something about it my only advice to you is to think in the alternative (if you want to have a happy relationship). Say to yourself, hey at least he didn’t get a new I-Pad. If he got an I-Pad say hey at least he didn’t get a new laptop. If he got a laptop….say hey at least he didn’t get a car…..whatever gets you through the day with a smile. There aren’t that many good men and all of them have bad ideas from time to time, learn to cope.