Tuesday, July 27, 2010

True Story- "Just squeeze em yourself"

I just got off the phone with my Aunt who was reviewing my baby registry list.  My Aunt named several items and gave her opinion of why they were unnecessary as follows:

The mobile that goes on the crib- That will terrify the baby.  Haven't you seen the commercial where the baby is looking up at the mobile and goes crazy?

The swing- Looks like it’s only fit for a preemie plus it may terrify the baby.

The diaper genie- Just wipe em off and throw em in the trash.

Baby Einstein Entertainer- The baby will be dumb no matter what you buy unless you read to her so you may as well save your money and just read to her.

Breast pump- Just squeeze em yourself.

Breast milk storage bags- Use ziplock bags.

The baby potty- She wont need this until she is like 3 (WHAT?!?!?!?!)

Bottle brushes (to clean out the baby's bottles)- Use a wet rag and a butter knife, it will work just fine.

Bibs- You know if you put these on here people will just buy them from the dollar store.

BLANK STARE to all of these comments.

Monday, July 12, 2010


Ok, so I have to get deep just for one second.  Our country (the U.S.) has a serious problem with race and race relations.  We have a long history of mismanagement of this issue on the one hand and trying to ignore it completley on the other. I am not going to go into details because that is not what this post is about but we all know some very bad crap happened a long time ago and some seriously messed up things are still happening today (although, people tend to struggle with this latter concept).  I only say all of this to let you know that I am not one of those people who is under the misconception that the Civil War or the Emancipation Proclamation or the Civil Rights Act or Brown v. Board of Education or whatever the hell else has been done in the name of equality has actually repaired all of the damage we have done.

HOWEVER, I find comments such as the following highly annoying.  Jesse Jackson has taken a moment out of his busy schedule (what does JJ actually do???) to bless us with this gem of knowledge concerning Dan Gilbert's comments (See my previous post) about Lebron James decision to leave the Cavs. JJ said Dan Gilbert's “feelings of betrayal personify a slave master mentality” and constitute an “attack on all NBA players.” *BLANK STARE*  I know I am running the risk of oversimplifying some really deep reference to race relations JJ is making but when did a slave master ever beg a slave to stay on the plantation by offering him 30 million dollars?  And didn't slave owners like kill runaway slaves instead of writing open letters about them and posting them in public? 

There are legitimate issues affecting Black people in the U.S. as a result of slavery and comments like this make people intolerant of hearing about or understanding those issues.  It's like you have a really appetizing dish you want to serve that will engage everyone's taste buds but someone keeps crapping in it.  How long until no one wants anything to do with that dish?  People on all sides of the race issue in this country need to be much more realistic in their approach.  We neither live in a country where race is of no relevance or in a country where it is the cause of every problem (though it may be lurking underneath a great number of them).  I don't think Dan Gilbert displayed a slave master's mentality in dealing with James' decision, I think he acted half like a business man who just lost A LOT of money and half like a jilted lover who just lost his bed buddy.  Let's put away the "race card" and save it for a time when it is actually relevant (because the time will come).

Friday, July 9, 2010

Stolen Wing Dings and Dan Gilbert

So everyone is aware that the Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert took a sharp left on the (Ohio proclaimed) dethroned Lebron James. What you may not know is that he explained his scathing statements referring to James as a traitor, a poor example for children and a quitter (among other things) by saying that he believed James quit on the Cavs in the playoff series in 2009 against Orlando and the series this year against the Celtics. *BLANK STARE* Never mind that he may have a point (at least about this year). He is getting a blank stare because he is the one who offered the two time "quitter" 30 million dollars if he would only come back and agree to "quit" for 6 more years.

Once upon a time I was sick of my job at Ponderosa and I gave up on them. I can admit it. I hid when new tables would get seated, stole chicken wing dings from the buffet and ate them from my apron in the bussing station and occasionally hung out in the cooler where I could enjoy sliced peaches from the can. Let me tell you, not only was I not offered a 6 year contract or 30 mill, I didn't even get a going away party or like minimum wage. I say this to say that most employers are not in the habit of rewarding chronic quitters (or wing ding thieves). So if James quit two years in a row during critical moments and Gilbert still offered him 30 million dollars who should Cleveland fans really be mad at?

While I am on the subject of those Cleveland fans, *BLANK STARE* to them and all professional sports fans all over the country like them (now I'm talking about you Lakers fans too). Unless all of these people are atheist and do not believe there is a God (which I doubt), we have a serious mix up in our priorities. Burning jerseys, crying and sinking into a state of depression are all pathologically scary reactions to the decision of one human being. I don't care what anybody says, as long as there is still no cure for cancer, the economy sucks and there are people in third world countries or right in the U.S. in places that resemble third world countries who don't have enough to eat or clean water, all of this uproar over Lebron James is ri-damn-diculous. Check your bank accounts sports fans, did you get any money off of James decision? Did you lose any? Look in the mirror do you still look the same, you live in the same house, got the same problems? Ok, so your life has not changed one bit. Move on to something that matters. Please.