Friday, February 15, 2013

Greeneritis is REAL

It’s a Friday night and I’m writing a blog, drinking tea and doing laundry. I started to think, WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY LIFE??? I used to be hip. At this time on a Friday night some years ago I would have been pre-partying and looking for an outfit to wear out, the sole function of which was to protect me from being totally naked. I started reminiscing about the good ol days, in the club, at the bar livin it up. *Blank Stare*

This is the Devil’s disease, it’s call “The grass is always greeneritis.” Greeneritis is commonly characterized by excessive daydreaming and a tendency to fabricate and omit information about desires and memories to accommodate ones compulsion to be in another time, place or condition.

As I struggled with my bout of greeneritis this evening, I found myself recreating the past. In my version of the past, I was young and free and having a good time. In reality I had started to hate the club and the nightlife. I was always in some shoes that made me feel like sawing off my leg at the ankle. I hated the sweaty after club look. Every man I ever met in the club was trying to hit, eat breakfast and disappear (and most of the time you wanted them to disappear). And most importantly, I’m an introvert so being forced into tight crowds of people for long periods of time was like torture for someone like me.

Here’s the kicker, back in my party-like-a-rockstar days, I used to think about how great it would be to have a husband and some cute kids that I could spend my evenings with. Now that I have the husband and the cute kids, my mind temporarily wondered back to the club. You see just how dangerous greeneritis can be?!?! Now, I must admit, in my fantasy of family life, I had a cleaning person and a cook but that’s neither here nor there.The point is that I have everything I wished for back when I was a party girl. I can only conclude that it is the Devil that is the primary cause of greeneritis. Who else could make you feel dissatisfied no matter where you are in life? Oooh, I almost fell for it too but *Blank Stare* to the Devil. I’m actually happy (and not wanting to saw my feet off).

You don't need olive oil and keratin, you need a miracle

I overheard a conversation between two women in an elevator. Woman #1 was asking woman #2 what kind of hair care products she used. Woman #2 said she used olive oil conditioning and Keratin treatments, woman #1 said she needed to get some of that right away. *BLANK STARE*

Here is the thing, woman #1 had a little bit of hair. Since I believe that the term nappy has taken on a derogatory connotation, I don’t use the word. Thus, the only way I can describe woman #1’s little bit of hair is that it was super extra curly and, I don’t know if this is possible, but the curls looked….angry. Woman #2 had hair that is easy to describe, her hair looked like Pocahontas hair. [Don’t be jealous, she had a face like a young Al Sharpton, for reals].

I know it is tempting to think that you can alter your whole appearance by doing one thing that someone else does. For example, many a woman has fallen prey to thinking she can look like Beyonce by buying House of Dereon clothing. As a preliminary matter, I don’t know that Beyonce actually wears any of that stuff. More significantly, whatEVER Beyonce wears has been put together by a team of stylist, tailored to her specific body and by the time you see it, likely air brushed from here to eternity. So yeah, let that go.

The point is this, there is only so much you can do to enhance the natural gifts God has given you. And if you have super short tight angryish curls, the only way you are getting the Pocahontas look is if you buy a Pocahontas wig. I don’t care if you bath in olive oil and keratin, it’s not happening. If people could grasp this simple concept, we would have far less fashion travesties and disgruntled consumers.