Thursday, April 15, 2010

So apparently bras and cell phones DO NOT mix...

I just got off the phone with someone who called me back in response to a text message I sent earlier in the day. She told me she was unable to text me back because the touch screen on her phone has malfunctioned. The malfunction was caused by apparent water damage the phone sustained as the result of being kept in her bra...*Blank Stare* I have questions but I don't want to ask them because I don't want the answers...
I don't know about the candy and credit card but you may want to re-think the phone...

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Equal Opportunity Blank Stares

To all of the following:

President Obama and whoever is helping to manage his agenda: As concerned as I am about the possibility of Detroit, Michigan turning into another Hiroshima, the likelihood of that event seems far more remote than the rather distinct possibility that my state may go bankrupt if we don't find a way to create some jobs here. That being said, can we please step away from the anti-nuclear proliferation platform and work on job creation until the unemployment rate in Michigan (the real unemployment rate, not the fake numbers the political prognosticators use) stops giving small children nightmares? Please and thank you.

All the people who are ardent supporters of the healthcare reform bill as well as those who are vehemently opposed to it: Until someone in one of these groups can explain to me personally why I have a doctoral degree from one of the best schools in the country and a relatively elite career (at a small law firm) but I still have to pay a quarter of my salary every month (yes even with the bill) to cover myself and my family, I invite all of you to drink a tall glass of shut the hell up!

Everyone who holds Glenn Beck in the same regard as, oh I don't know say someone who deserves to be taken seriously: I honestly thought the Glenn Beck show was a joke. I have seen it and I really didn't think that anyone would consider the commentator to be anything more than a couple of pennies short of a roll. Well come to find out, he has actual followers. This proves that the creators of Family Guy were correct when they hypothesized that people would join a "Church of the Fonz (yes, from Happy Days)." If you think Glenn Beck is anything more than someone with a lot of strong OPINIONS (and you know what they say about those...) or have sat at home and thought to yourself 'wow he's really on to something', your next stop may indeed be at the local Happy Days worship facility.

That's right Democrats, Republicans, the White House, everyone in between and on the fringes who fit the above descriptions you are the recipients of my famous *BLANK STARE*